I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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