some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
