Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
