Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
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