There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
