Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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