i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
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