My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
4 words: hood of his car
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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