just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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