Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
