Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
