it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
