Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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