either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Randomize
