how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
