I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
