What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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