That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
