i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Randomize
