worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
