i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
