found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
i believe in u and ur pee
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
