Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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