The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
it's like heaven, but drunker
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
