Welp...herpes.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
