Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
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