mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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