Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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