And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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