the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
