But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
