How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
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