i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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