apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
