He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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