Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
