omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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