If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
