just come out here and I will go home with you...
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
