So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
