Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
