Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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