unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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