I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
It's just like the Real World with babies
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
