chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
