did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
The uberlube is also flammable
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
