i would punch a child for taco bell
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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