Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
