after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
