Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
