i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
