Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
