you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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