maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
