Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
