i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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