i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
