based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
whose parrot is this?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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