I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
