have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
