I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
