Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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