Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
barbara walters just said penis...
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
