Your face is a jimmy john
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
